Randall Paul Jenkins, Esq. » Blog Archive » Brady Quinn Fans Are Violent.

Tonight Kyle and I ventured to the center of Los Angeles, a place some call downtown, for Kat’s birthday party. It was a lovely time, and I offended people by playing Kelly Clarkson and Dashboard Confessional. I was the designated driver, because Kyle was the designated drinker of Newcastle Brown Ale, so I took the wheel of the Bimmer. We started home sometime after 2, and headed past Staple’s Center towards the onramp to the 110/Harbor Freeway. We had red light at the left turn lane for the onramp, and when it turned green the night got quite eventful.

Upon said green light, a bus came from the right, possibly still catching the yellow. This was no ordinary bus, Kyle describes it best as “That was Satan’s bus.” After the bus, we proceeded to turn left, a bogie appeared close on our tail. This car came out of nowhere, clearly running the red light Satan’s bus had almost run and along the way decided we needed to be tailed. Kyle and I don’t appreciate those sort of actions, so Kyle tried to improve foreign relations, to no avail. Suddenly I noticed a blur in the left mirror and a vehicle was suddenly on the side of us passing us. I felt like Cole Trickle in Days of Thunder as he erratically threw his Lancer at the front left of the BMW. I slammed on the breaks and let him fly right by, masterfully avoiding any collision as he passed left to right in front of us.

He threw his car back left and swerved at us a few more times, and I countered with avoidance each time. He finally stopped just before the end of the onramp where the freeway was, and threw his door open to get out. What happened next was unreal, he was charging straight at us sporting his Cleveland Browns Brady Quinn jersey and clenched fists, we had to think quick. The ARod special was unfortunately at Toyota of North Hollywood, so I muttered to Kyle “Get his plates,” and planned for the worst. My mind covered most scenarios and I decided the worst thing he could do was try to break the window, so I raised my arm up in preparation and Kyle shifted from License Plate capture mode to ready to dial 911 mode. The worst case is exactly what he had in mind, and he punched the window as hard as a Brady Quinn fan could. Neither Kyle, nor myself flinched one bit when his fist struck the glass.

An amazing thing happened, the glass did not break. I had decided in my head prior that once he had taken this past assault, and on to battery I was fully justified to run him over. I had already eyed enough room to the left of his Mitsubishi that was drivable terrain, and my feet were on the triggers so off we went leaving him in the rear view mirror cursing and spitting. By all accounts he either chose not to follow, or could not catch the Bimmer, and we were left only to revel in adrenaline.

Note: Im sure Kyle will have his account of the events surrounding the early morning of May 26th sometime soon, so be sure to check out his view of the night. In addition, I realise a large portion of this blog sounds like an ode to Tom Cruise. While it would be acceptable as it would be an ode to the old, cool, not insane Tom Cruise, I assure you it is only an ode to Tony Scott.

Popularity: 89% [?]