Randall Paul Jenkins, Esq. » Blog Archive

I just got my copy of One Hundred and Forty Five Stories in a Small Box from McSweeney’s today, which is the first of my year long subscription in their book club, a gift from my lovely Mother (thank you Mom). On the sheet of paper that is shrink wrapped to the back of the gorgeous packaging are a bunch of words to tell you about the three hardcover bound collections that await inside, on the back of that sheet is the following:

Sheet of paper that is shrink wrapped to One Hundred and Forty Five Stories in a Small Box

I dont know why it came down to me to tell you about this, but anyway, here goes: if you don’t buy at least ten books a year, you’ll be struck by lightning, or maybe a bus. It’s the new rule. Yeah. You’ll probably be sent a more official notice in the mail pretty soon, but for now, you’re hearing it from me. Ten books a year, or the bus or lightning, each of them very painful and likely deadly. Is the rule a bit harsh? Well, maybe. Some people might think so, but then again, those people won’t be with us very long, because anyone who complains about the rule will be disemboweled by bears. Again, not my idea–I’m just the messenger here!–but that’s the way it is. I don’t know why you’re worried though. Just buy the ten books a year, and don’t whine about it, and you won’t be struck by anything or have your insides ripped out by a grizzly. Doesn’t seem so complicated, really. Also, make sure you buy the right kinds of books, or else someone in a cardigan will push you off a building. Again, nothing to worry about: just buy the best kinds of books, not the bad ones, or else you’ll be looking over your shoulder pretty much forever. And you can’t read that way, anyway, so it all works out.
–DE

David Eggers is one of my all time favourite human beings on this planet, and that ladies and gentlemen, is one small slice of why.

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