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I am not a huge fan of the NAACP. I understand why it was created, I understand all the good it has done, but in todays world I have seen them too quick to call anything racist and not really helping to advance anything. I recently saw an interview that got me excited about the NAACP again. Their President, one Benjamin Jealous (hello, awesome name), is multi racial, grew up on two coasts, was a Rhodes Scholar, his Grandfather was born a slave and died a Senator, and he is the youngest ever President of the NAACP.

So what did I like so much about this guy? What made me feel like he truly wants to better this world? For one, his multiple uses of the words ‘for everyone”. The lack of the NAACP getting behind other minorities and even majorities has always been my main criticism of it. A group like this was founded at a time where the need to focus on equality for “blacks” was the strongest, but this group could have evolved as they won battles towards civil rights for “blacks” and taken up more causes for all the other minorities. The NAACP is the iconic civil rights organization in this country, sure they don’t need to expand and change, but I feel like so much potential is wasted focusing mainly on only one “colour” of person.

Additionally Benjamin Jealous just seems real, I know this is naive on my part, but I feel like this guy gets “it”. It may be all political positioning, but this man is not just talking about all the injustices in the world, instead speaking on what more we can do to get the world where he hoped it would be. He is looking towards the future, while understanding his organizations past, and even acknowledges that the time has come for them to shift and adapt. It’s a refreshing stance to see.

I will not go as far to say that in todays world there is no discrimination towards minorities left, but I will also point out that there are people of all colour being discriminated against in this nation. I would love to see the NAACP formally become the National Association for the Advancement of People, and finally fulfill their potential to be fighting every civil rights injustice and helping making all of us better people in the process. Perhaps Mr. Jealous may be the one to begin that evolution.

Check out the first few minutes of the interview:

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I said I’m quiet about racism, that’s kind of a lie, I’m super against racism being made an excuse for everything. I think it perpetuates racism to always be playing that “card” and I think the NAACP is not actually “advancing” anything and is only focused on one colour. For examples of things I think are stupid cases of racism being inserted into a topic just to gain publicity, read how I felt about the Duke LAX case.

Back on track, so this article listed this racism connection:

Globe Campus

He had heard his white classmate throw an angry racial slur in his direction after an argument during a gym class game of speedball, and now the student was shoving him backward, refusing to retract the smear.

The white student swung first, hitting the 15-year-old with a punch to the mouth.

The 15-year-old heard his father’s voice running through his head: Fight only as a last resort, only in self-defence, only if given no choice, and only with the left hand.

His swing was short and compact, a left-handed dart that hit the white student square on the nose.

The nose broke under his fist, igniting a sequence of events – from arrest to suspension to possible expulsion – that has left the Asian student and his family wondering whether they are welcome in this small, rural and mostly white community north of Toronto, one that has been touched by anti-Asian attacks in the past.

Sounds horrible right? Not only did this kid do the right thing by finally sticking up for himself after probably months of torment, but he’s the only one being punished for a fight where both kids threw punches. Pretty tragic case, and I have this kids back, good for him for breaking this jerk’s nose.

So what was that racial slur?

Globe Campus

He said the boy called him a “fucking Chinese,” a comment he instantly knew was far from a joke.

Far from a joke? Yes. Hateful and mean spirited? Yes. Racist? I’m not sure. Granted I’m no form of asian, so I don’t know how offensive it really might feel to be called from the wrong country/region. I have one Korean friend who I bet has a great opinion on this, so maybe I’ll get that soon, but I do have some thoughts on this alleged racism.

First of all, were talking about essentially attacking this kid’s nationality. Yes that still falls under the broad scope of racism, but really what was racist here? Is anytime a nationality, ethnicity or race (yours or otherwise) attached to an insult racism? Is it the fact he was called an incorrect nationality that makes this racism? I don’t think so, but I’ll cover that in a bit. Would this kid have felt just as insulted if he had been called “fucking Korean”? I’m not sure of the answer to that last one, but if so then I have to disagree with this being racism.

Korean versus Chinese, again I’m an U.S. American with northern European decent, so maybe I can’t ever “get this”. However, I know Korea is right next to China, I know the people are probably, technically very much alike, perhaps even the same ethnicity. I know the Korean language (although origins debated) does have ties to the ancient Chinese languages (as does Japanese). We are talking about the differences of two nations that have more modern similarities than the U.S. and Mexico. I just don’t think calling someone an incorrect nationality that borders one’s actual nationality, while insulting them has to be a racist comment.

Was the supposedly “racist” kid ignorant? Hateful? Stupid for not knowing the difference between Korea and China? Probably yes on all accounts, but I didn’t read anything in that story that made it seem like he even knew he wasn’t calling him by his correct nationality, let alone making a comment to oppress based on that nationality. He was just a kid, a dumb kid, wanting to be mean and call the other kid a “fucking ANYTHING” and he got his nose broken for it.

The only things I can sort of (and by sort of I mean, not at all) relate to this is growing up “white” in America. I had to always check that “white” box, had no other identity, yet no one ever seemed to mind. Yeah, yeah, rough life I had, but I’m not “white” thank you, and I know I’m the majority here but it is a little insensitive to call me that. Is it a tolerance thing because I’ve been “white” for years? Is me being called white offensive? Should it be? Was it once? Could it be? Is it okay because someone “white” was the one who decided on describing us that way? All those things above are pretty much a ridiculous statement, even though I really should be able to express my ethnicity and family origins (Welsh-Irish, amongst other things) just as much as any non-white person.

Here is the only thing that can really hit close to home for me; Would I be offended if someone called me Scottish, or even a “fucking Scot”? Absolutely not, I’d just correct them, and then take up the battle of why this person just called me “fucking ANYTHING”.

I must say I’m really glad that these people at this school are speaking up about this incident, I just wish they were speaking up because a kid who fought back was expelled while the bully lives on, not because of some link to “racism”. I think it sort of cheapens what this is really about. It does seem like there are other real issues with racism towards asiatic people in this region, and I think they should address it and surely this will help those issues as well, but let’s allow kids to stand up for themselves and not be punished.

Just to lighten the mood as I finish up this way too long post, I’ll leave you with my favourite quote of the article.

The Korean Boy’s Father

“Personally, for my kid, I should move. But as a Canadian I cannot move.”

Who knew that Canada didn’t allow you to move? Ha. J, slash, K, Canada.

I’m really curious to hear what others think about this topic, and this is one of those things where I wish my blog actually got larger readership than it does, but I think this will stir a few minds a bit.

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I know this will not be received well by many.

I’m not trying to say the guy isn’t a talented musician or songwriter, he surely is, and he surely captured a generation with his political stance and his unique mindset, but how did he wind up that way for multiple generations? To me, Dylan is the guy who wrote 4 songs that have a lasting power, the guy whose son wrote an entire album I like better than any of his fathers, the guy who has made continued his career by being the guy the “cool” people like “because he’s Dylan”.

How is this guys career so much more notable than a guy like Tom Petty or James Taylor?

Now let’s clear up a couple of facts here, it’s well known that I like “hits”. I don’t mean Top 40 songs necessarily, I mean songs with an epic hook, songs that as you walk down the street you curse having them stuck in your head (but give it another spin the second you can), HITS. Secondly, I was born in the seventies, raised in the eighties, and am living in the zeroes, Dylan hasn’t had a hit since I’ve been alive.

So why is Dylan so revered? Elvis has the same sort of fanatics, different in lots of ways, but still same kind of experience. Elvis sold records, had hit songs, was in films and was one of the first real celebrities of modern times. So Dylan is the anti-Elvis maybe? Out of the lime-light, political and all about the music and the art? Eh, I don’t think so, it might be his angle, and maybe part of why he appeals to people, but I don’t buy it, he needs to do something, not just not do something. It seems lately he does more of the not doing something, while still just writing/recording away.

Dylan was truly relevent when he wrote “The Times They Are a-Changin’” and it captured an entire aspect of the population who found a voice and mouth for all the things running through their head, but four decades later is he still? I recently “tweeted” in reply about Dylan, that Valens had 4 truly great songs on one record in an 8 month career, doing so not to compare the two, but to bring up this nugget: Is Dylan renowned because he’s simply alive and still cranking out records?

People love to play the card that Dylan isn’t Top 40, or that Top 40 hits don’t make a song or an artist “great”, and it’s all true. We all have those artists who will make 10 albums and never get radio play. I happen to love Sigur Ros and surely they will never be Top 40, but I’ll buy every record ever. Maybe that’s the key to it all, and that Dylan just clicks with some people and doesn’t with me. Maybe, but I have this vague feeling that to many, especially in my generation, liking Dylan is a lot like reading Kerouac; It’s a statement move towards the non-today, the counter culture, aimed at being a part of a generation you missed or trying to stand apart from your current one. Such as with any counter culture movement, it winds up as trendy and actually the majority, and perhaps that’s what I see today.

The truly interesting part of what I mention above is that Dylan wasn’t non-Top 40, he actually formed his career off hit songs, and at various points decided he didn’t want his records promoted certain ways or proper singles released by his label amongst other things, but his career was not consistently that. It was kind of a lot like Radiohead’s “release the music straight to the fans” move, where a band that already built up to a very successful level goes about a shift to be more “artistic”, strictly about the music, and through all of it bucking the system/process that created them. Dylan after being a mainstay “rock” act who was revered for his political and social commentary which brought him to a certain level, went country and stopped talking politics, and then even went Christian (and I have theories about all the hipster Christians I know who love Dylan too, don’t get me started).

I don’t understand how this guy managed to keep such a stable fan base through all of those changes, through very few (if any) recent songs a majority of the population can even name, to put out an album, that in the year 2009, charts at number one.

The only thing I can even come close to an explanation with is that Dylan is still there doing it. Elvis is dead, The Beatles broke up, Zeppelin disbanded, Michael Jackson went pedo, Garth Brooks retired, every other voice of a generation and/or successful career artist has either died or become too controversial or alienated themselves some other way. Dylan got less controversial, stayed alive, and over time had more and more people spreading the Dylan gospel, giving them no reason to dislike them and it being “counter”, then “different”, then “forgotten”, and at many times throughout those popular to like him. It really is quite a remarkable and impressive career.

All that to say, I’m still just waiting for someone to explain what makes Dylan so great. I’m ready for it to hit me, I’m ready to be wowed, I’m willing to listen to a record or three (but no more) with open ears and have my life changed… because after all… so many of you have been telling me, for years, that is who this man is.

P.S. I realise someone is going to tell me that just the fact he has been able to affect so many people over such a long period of time is the simple answer to the question I ask in this title, but that still doesn’t make me want to listen to him… go deeper.

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It’s all very ironic to me when I see a band bringing these concerns. I understand why, I understand that even the supposed rebels making rock music feel threatened that people create successful songs and even sell out a room doing something “easier” than they do. Artists are supposed to be the ones pushing envelopes, artists are supposed to welcome change and innovation; so why are so many upset that people are finding new ways to make music that people like? In the end it’s all relative, sure you may not like a band like 3oh3! (not the band listed in the blog, but I see a lot of this type of response geared towards them from artists and fans), but people think they created (that’s the key word) a pretty catchy and fun couple of tunes. It doesn’t matter how, or the tools used, none of that crap actually makes any artist “cooler” than another (but some sure think it does).

It’s about creation, creating something, being far more unique than the boring old ways of a guitar and amp. Let me announce something, not everyone can program a hit song in a computer, just as not everyone can play the guitar like Hendrix. Sure, a lot of people try both, but a lot of people fail. The ones trying and failing doing it using a guitar are no more (or less) important than the ones trying and failing at programming a song in a computer. They are expressing themselves, they are creating, they are pushing boundaries. Maybe they are creating for commercial success you say? So what, so are plenty of bands.

What I really wonder, I wonder if these were the same things happening: when photography was invented, when they took classical instruments and created jazz, bluegrass, etc, when moving pictures were invented, when a broken amplifier accidentally invented the now standard distortion. You get it right? It’s innovation, and sometimes Rock N’ Roll seems a little old and dated with their mentality about the auditory realm.

Not all music is for everyone, but criticizing ANYONE trying, especially if the critic is a fellow creator, is a bit hypocritical (and can come off as jealousy). Just say it’s not for you and let the masses decide their final place in the scheme of things.

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Here is a lovely little example of the jewels this man is capable of cranking out, the entire post can be read here:

Bob Lefsetz

Love is a risk. If you’re not willing to get your heart broken, you’d better not play.

Then there are the heartbreakers, possessing some advantage the rest of us don’t, beauty or bucks, who flit from boy to boy or girl to girl, like a celebrity.

Then there are the self-conscious, who have to gin up their gumption to even speak with a member of the opposite sex.

If you want insight into the truth of this world, you’d be better off studying the imperfect, whose lives don’t follow a constant upward trajectory, their seemingly insignificant victories may seem minor to you, but they’re the tent poles of their lives.

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So Gene spoke, and it was like a commercial, and this guy Lefsetz didn’t like it. Bob Lefsetz is this guy who writes this letter (it’s a blog, let’s be honest) on the music industry. Somehow the entire industry thinks the guy is genius, but I don’t get it. He constantly thinks he has the solutions to save the music industry, criticizes others who actually act and try to do something different, and as far as I can find has never actually done anything to help save the industry. All that said, his RSS feed (which sucks by the way; who makes RSS feeds that you can only read 2 lines of? People who won’t be saving any industry, that’s who) is subscribed to and once in a while (when I find those 2 lines interesting enough) I read a full post.

You can go find the post on Gene if you want, but what you should do is give Gene your visit and see it and his answers over at Simmons Records website. They are amazing and great, and entertaining… everything we should be getting, and Gene wants to give us. My favourite exchange, because it’s absolutely more valid than 90% of the things Lefsetz says is as follows:

Bob Lefsetz

Just because you’re a big musical act, that doesn’t mean you’re a decent executive, that you can run a record company.

Gene Simmons

SAYS WHO. YOU? AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MAKE THESE ASSESSMENTS. WHAT’S YOUR QUALIFICATION, IN FACT, FOR SAYING ANYTHING…

I’d like to remind people who run the music industry of a few things that Gene seems to also feel; Just because you have been around the old music industry, doesn’t mean you can be succesful in the new music industry. Just because you ran a label or run a label or had success with an artist, doesn’t mean you will ever be successful again. Just because something worked once, doesn’t mean it is the pattern.

Artists should have people who believe in them as much as Gene believes in himself (and surely any band/artist he gets behind), and should also have people who are as brutally honest as Gene is and don’t give people ridiculous manipulative sells every time they have a conversation.

Gene Simmons is kind of refreshing.

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I ordered the Deluxe Edition of “Med sud i eyrum vid spilum endalaust”, I got my download, I even got my physical, and then months went by. You sent me emails to let me know the LP was going out soon. I sent you an email to let you know my shipping info had changed, and if you could amend it, you replied that my order had been amended (I still have the email). I still am waiting, I still am wondering if I will ever get it, I still am a little bit annoyed that I have to be typing this.

Please contact me and let’s get this sorted out. I will invade Iceland if need be (mostly because it’s absolutely gorgeous, but if it helps this cause too, bonus).

Thank you.

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Currently the Associated Press is upset that an image that they hold the rights to was the basis for Shep’s illustration. They want license fees, and profit, and credit, and probably one of his children. The issue is actually pretty interesting in terms of copyright law. However frankly this case has no legs, and I’m surprised the AP is this hard up for cash (though no one in the newspaper world is exactly thriving).

The AP owns the image, they don’t own the moment in time the image was taken.

Fairey started with their image, and then he applied his now famous illustrative style. He didn’t simply threshold the thing in Photoshop, he didn’t auto-trace something in Illustrator. His work is no different than someone painting the image in a cubsim styling. Copyright simply doesn’t protect deviations in such things. Someone at AP has to know such things. If anyone should be able to claim rights to deviations based on photographs, it should be the person in the imagery. Kind of funny how they get no share of the AP’s licensing fees.

Anyway, that is my take on this whole thing, and I really hope Shep doesn’t back down or make a settlement. He deserves to stand alone as the source of such iconic imagery, and he is just the right person to stick it to the old media.

Also if I may rant…
I find it hilarious how the old media has talked about him as this “L.A. street artist”, like he is some ruffian who slums through streets stealing bread and spreading wheat paste wherever he goes. Do they not understand the guy went to THE premiere design school in America (RISD), do they not understand the guy owns his own clothing line, do they not understand the guy’s first studio he formed is responsible for such things as the Mt. Dew logo and the Mozilla logo, do they not understand his current studio is responsible for the “Walk The Line” poster and the cover art for The Smashing Pumpkins comeback album? This is no “street artist”, this is one of our generations most heralded graphic designers, this guy will be included along names like Bass, Lubalin, Rand, Glaser, Carson and Sagmeister.

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PLEASE NOTE: We are not looking for a college student or hobbyist or a social networker who stays up all night and surfs the Internet with their friends and designs graphics out of their bedroom for t-shirts. ONLY PROFESSIONALS SHOULD APPLY.

Now I’m not simply being defensive because I’m writing this from the same room as my bed (though this side of the room is clearly business only), but that whole combination of words is just so out of touch with reality. I know some of the most talented designers around, and almost every one of them designs graphics for t-shirts out of their bedroom, surfs the internet with friends and stays up all night. Artists tend to not exactly live the 9-5 office lifestyle, and you would think anyone wanting a truly talented designer would realise that.

Good luck with your production artist, nameless medical company.

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You see, in what many are claiming to be the cliffs of calamity in Detroit, their CEO’s all flew private jets over to D.C. for these meetings. I sure want my tax dollars going towards that. I know a lot of peoples jobs in Michigan, and a lot of other states that are home to suppliers, are at stake here, and I want this to turn out well for all those hard working people. However, this is not the case of this economy causing a dangerous situation for Detroit, but this economy presenting an easy escape from years of screwing up.

Gary Ackerman (D – Queens)

“Couldn’t you all have downgraded to first class? Or jet-pooled? It would have at least sent the message that you do get it.”

For years I have had issues with the U.S. auto manufacturers. They pay their CEO’s ridiculous amounts for constant failures, they took years and years to adopt green vehicles, they were blind to the fact that Toyota was doing innovative things and balancing their product offerings. These companies should all fire their entire management and hire a few Harvard Business graduates that can think in modern times. I know, I use that plan for everything, but why do people think that the leaders of companies who have come up in the old way and fail will succeed somewhere else? When will there be discrimination laws about companies having to interview 2 candidates under 40?

The current CEO’s also turned down a gesture of good will that was brought up to them. When asked if they would take a symbolic $1 salary, much like Lee Iaccoca did years ago to help revive Chrysler, Ford and GM’s CEO’s said no. GM’s Wagoner took home 14 million last year; Ford’s Mulally grabbed a cool 22 million. For the record, Chrysler CEO Bob Nardelli said he would take the $1 a year salary, but it was reported in 2007 that his salary would be $1 a year and then incentive based, so he is (and kinda isn’t) doing his part. Nardelli also is probably still living nice off that 201 million severance he got from Home Depot.

The U.S. “Big Three” in the past 3 years combined for 67 billion in losses, and it’s just the economy, right? I’m gonna spell this out for any Fortune 500 board members than might accidentally happen across my blog. No one, and I mean no one, is worth 15 million dollars a year. I don’t care who they are, or what they are doing, it CAN NOT be considerably more than the level of work you would get out of a person being paid 2 million. Give your CEO’s profit sharing all you want, I have no issues with that, but no base salary deserves to be that high.

You want to save these companies? Here is how. If you are a stockholder, write in your unhappiness with the board and CEO, the two public companies ARE accountable to all you millions of shareholders who have been fleeced in your stock value and owe it to you to stop spending money they don’t have. Cerberus should be able to figure out this thing for their own and save Chrysler, or sell it off in pieces to one of the Japanese auto makers. That is the other reality, Toyota or Honda can jump in the game and purchase on of these failing companies, though we may all be better off in a world without the original “Big Three”.

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E.E. Cummings

“The only man, woman or child who wrote a simple declarative sentence with seven grammatical errors is dead.”

Anyway, relate Harding to whomever you feel applicable right now, but since I randomly wound up on this tangent, I wanted to tell you why Harding really sucked. The President before Harding? Woodrow Wilson. The President after Harding? Calvin Coolidge. The one after that? Herbert Hoover. Harding broke up the only chance we ever had for a four President run with double letter initials. Why couldn’t he have been named Harry Harding?

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Before I start posting videos that make John McCain look silly, understand I LOVE John McCain, he has fought for some amazing things in his life (this country being one of them) and has brought about some great change. I also would have voted for this man 4 or 8 years ago, but now it is too late. I fear he has lost a lot of his edge, I fear he isn’t completely relevant anymore (for a lack of a better word). The world has changed, politics needs to change, I don’t necessarily want someone leading this country towards new relationships with the rest of the world with the experience of an old world and old politics. Sorry.

John McCain speaking on the economy.

“These are very, very difficult times.”
“The fundamentals of our economy are strong”

John, seriously? I threw that first quote in so it wouldn’t look like I was pulling out only the negative from his statement. He also acknowledges these are very difficult times, awesome, he can see the obvious. What everyone misses about this financial crisis is the fundamentals of our economic structure are what are most wrong. Whether we talk about the fundamentals that allow finance sector businesses government aid or golden umbrellas for the CEO’s of failing corporations, the fundamentals are what led us here. For years things went under regulated, Greenspan kept coming out to see his shadow every few months, CEO’s took risk after risk because they have nothing to lose (to read a great article on this topic, head over to my good friend Mark Cuban’s blog) and millions to pocket if they are fired, and our society became speculators who react more to media coverage than to actual trends. Those things combined (leadership of financial sector jobs, regulation of the businesses that drive our economy, the Government control of interest rates and funds, investor confidence and competence) are pretty much the fundamentals of our economy. Any one of those things changes and it affects the economy in huge drastic swoops, all of them change at once and we get to where we are today.

After John McCain’s campaign then put out an ad that said “The economy is in crisis”, Matt Lauer (and all of us) needed an explanation.

John McCain on The Today Show
“Well it’s obviously true that the workers of America are the fundamentals of our economy, and our strength, and our future.”

“There is nothing wrong with the workers of America, I believe they are the fundamentals”

Sure those quotes sound bad out of context, but that last one up there sounds even worse when you hear where Lauer is trying to lead him before he says that. Lauer gives McCain a complete chance to make the statement about “the fundamentals causing the nightmares we are seeing” in the economy, and McCain just clings on to the fact that the workers are the fundamentals.

A lot of people always bring up flip-flopping politicians, and I’m sure McCain is grasping to not look like he flip-flops on his statements. However it also makes him look unintelligent and stubborn, and makes him look like someone who cannot find advisors to keep him up to date on relevant topics. I hated the fact the Kerry flip-flopped so much 4 years ago, but what I hated even more about Kerry was that the person he was as a Presidential Candidate was a dumbed down, manipulated version of the man who stood proudly speaking in protest of the Vietnam War. McCain is starting to look like a shell of his former self as well, John, come out and say you see the things fundamentally wrong with our economy, come out and say you are learning to use a computer, stop being so afraid of a little change, be it of mind, opinion or technology.

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P.S. Go to hell Pacey.

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Just head over to Joel’s blog to see the video.

I have a newsflash “peaceful protestors” of Denver, the moment you left the park (where coincidentally the law enforcement had no issue with you) and started marching down roads made, not for people to march down, but for automobiles to drive down; the moment you started moving at law enforcement; the moment you were yelling aggressively; the moment you were running to find a new street to clog; you were no longer peaceful. You assembled, it was fine, and you could have stayed their with your signs and nonsense, but you chose marching. It’s funny, in California, I’m not allowed to cross a street in a downtown city unless I use a cross walk, but these people believe they should be able to randomly march down the entire street?

I wish people in this country would realise they don’t have the right to “march down the fucking street”. I wish people would not try to spin the fact that they declined to use the approved protest areas that were set up so a city could function while people would still be able to protest. I wish people would not spin the fact that due to their selfish act of marching down a street wherever they wanted with 2000 of their closest friends they are making other peoples lives miserable and delaying them from getting to/from work and going about their lives. I wish people protesting aggressively and yelling at law enforcement would stop acting like they weren’t hoping to be maced.

Protests are so futile, it’s one of the most ridiculous things I have ever seen. Protesting is about the same to me as wearing an American flag pin on your lapel. Up front, you made this big show, and you can talk to your friends about how involved you are in changing politics, but in the end you have done nothing. Get out and do something, call people, write letters, run for office, find us a better option and help get them elected; don’t just wave a sign and act like you are making any sort of impact besides trying to get your so-called movement a little press. The press who feeds off drama and has probably pushed more people towards this sort of thing with it’s choice of what gets covered, and it will get covered for that day, yet protestors think the press will suddenly stop ignoring the issues that they help our government perpetuate in the days that follow. There are so many countless ways better to bring change to the world.

I have seen firsthand for 2 years the kind of recklessness these protests bring with them, and those were formally organised city approved protests through Downtown Los Angeles. On one of these occassions I couldn’t even go into work because the traffic re-routing simply couldn’t get me to my office.

I’m pretty sure at some point people need to use some common sense and realise there are other tax paying citizens who might have issue with their lives being disrupted by a street full of people marching.

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Do you ever get those messages out of the blue on MySpace or Facebook from an old HS (or earlier, or later) friend, whom you truly have some good memories of, and have once over the past 10 years wondered how they are? Yeah, me too.

Here are how they go:

Catching Up

Subject:
Long Time (Or some other vague title about how you haven’t talked in years)
Body:
Hey _________, wow it’s been like __ years since we have _______. How have you been? Are you still __________________? It’s crazy finding all our old __________ on __________________. Did you hear ________________ is ___________________?

I have been _____________, just _____________ and living in __________________. I am really glad I found you, we HAVE to ___________ soon. You have to catch me all up on _________.

And sometimes in there they slide in some guilt trip, like it’s your fault you forgot to get info about the 10 year reunion, or that it’s your fault you never come see them when you go home.

I get these, all the time, and even though a lot of people would assume I would treat then with attitude I am presenting here, I don’t. I love these messages, well used to, I love these people, well used to. I have noticed a strange pattern, and it goes a little something like this (hit me). I will write back, and I write back a well thought out response that I take a portion out of my day to sit down without distractions and write. A couple paragraphs, not much I know, but I do my best to truly try to re-connect with these people.

Then you know what happens? I never get a reply back. Maybe I don’t prod them enough to warrant one, maybe I don’t ask enough questions about _______ being _________, I really don’t know.

I have always been the kind of person who was accepting that there are certain times in your life where people you are close with are meant to leave, and new ones will soon be around; moments like these remind me why those people had their time in my life years ago.

So in conclusion, thanks, but no thanks. If you really care about me, we probably found a way to connect before the MySpaces, Facebooks and LinkedIns of the world were around. I’ve had the same phone number for 6 years, the same email address for 6 years (though be on the lookout, that is changing) and I’ve lived in Los Angeles County for 4 years, if you wanted to catch up or missed those old times, it isn’t hard to find a way. If you are just gonna message me to feel like you fulfilled a good deed by reconnecting with an old friend, and then just not even have the urge to reply even 3 words to a conversation you started, just read my blog and pretend like we are still friends.

Optional Bonus Activity:
Pretend above “Catching Up” conversation is a mad lib, post your most creative version as a comment, and the winner will get a special gift. Oh, and let’s keep it clean, it’s takes zero creativity to turn that thing sexual, it takes genius to come up with clean humour. Remember, this blog is a class act.

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A large movement in support of this law came from a Harvard Center study that everyone and their brother quotes as proof that this law will save lives. I decided to steal a pull from Wired, who ran an article about this law, and feel similarly to myself.

Wired

Studies by the Harvard Center for Risk Analysis (.pdf) suggest 2,600 people are killed and as many as 330,000 people are injured each year in the United States in cellphone-related driving accidents.

The part I really wish Wired would have brought up is as follows; How many of those 2600 people killed and 330,000 injured were in accidents involving bad drivers, speeding drivers, etc.? People don’t like to think about those sorts of things, they like to try to solve problems by eliminating things coincidentally involved. I’m not saying this is a horrible idea, and that it won’t help people to focus on the road, I’m just saying the real problem is the people who don’t focus on the road, not 1 of multiple things they could do that could distract them.

This is much like the logic that if you don’t allow kids to wear certain clothes, they will behave better and be more focused. People should start looking at the cause, to be able to solve the problem they have with the effect. It’s simple physics.

Things still legal to do in the car; put on makeup, shave, make out, wind your watch, read, type, write, search your iPod for “99 Problems” by Jay-Z, hit and/or yell at your kids, search through papers in the backseat, watch DVD’s, etc., etc.

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Now that we have all the title possibilities out of the way.

Just the other night Kyle and I were discussing the ridiculousness of the V-neck. It’s pretty much a plague the likes of Von Dutch hats. Sure the V is comfortable, and shows off all that cool chest hair we have worked years to have, but it doesn’t mean it’s applicable for all moments of life. If you think wearing a Deep V out to social events is a good idea, you should probably just take it to new levels and rock a tank top next time you are heading over to Les Deux (Les Deun’t? Hahaha).

The fine folks at Radar apparently listen to our conversations and decided to write an article about the “Deep V”, I have provided the below image and my favourite pull quote to make your life better.

Radar

So, at least for a little while longer, the question isn’t crewneck versus V-neck, it’s V-neck versus aggressive V-neck. Just be careful how low you go. “It’s getting pretty close to being a vest as it is,” Polk points out. “It’s, like, another three inches and that’s a vest, motherfucker.”

“Aggressive V-neck” may be the best description ever, well that is until you look at this image:

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EDIT: Answer, because Mozilla decided to direct me to the Firefox 2 download. Because their servers were probably on fire or something? That was awesome. Step your game up!

So since I am ranting about Firefox 3, you probably either already knew, or just realised, that it officially launched today. So go download it, if you are into helping set stupid download records, or just won’t admit how great Safari is.

I will admit, Mozilla has made some great strides, and I can actually stand to look at Firefox now and not think I was suddenly moved to a PC. It’s now my official, backup, testing browser. I lessthanthree Safari.

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What happened to all the faith being in young people? What happened to giving everything to the future generations so that they could better the world far more than we imagined? What happened to teaching good decision making and ethics, as opposed to just giving up and blaming the failures on things like the clothes people wear? Why are scare tactics and propaganda existing in out educational system?

The final straw to me came when I read this. Seriously? I cannot even fathom a situation that I can somehow try to draw a parallel to for this one. It’s just unheard of, it’s just shocking that someone thought this was a good idea, it’s just utterly disrespectful.

MSNBC

On a Monday morning last month, highway patrol officers visited 20 classrooms at El Camino High School to announce some horrible news: Several students had been killed in car wrecks over the weekend.

… Many who heard the news of the 26 deaths between classes, were left in the dark until the missing students reappeared hours later.

The most tragic part about this whole story is that everyone seems to still think it was a good idea and that it will save lives. Are you kidding me? You people are a joke.

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I do think the real issue in this long withstanding debate is more etymology than anything. Any formal acknowledgement of a committed relationship by our government should be called a union. Marriage (though it should probably be matrimony) can be a term used by religious groups to show the spiritual acknowledgement of same relationship. We can take a page from Mexico and have separate civil and spiritual services. I don’t believe most people against same sex marriage truly oppose same sex couples having the same benefits and rights as marriage provides, I think they just get caught up on the word.

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I support Obama, I hope every day for him to be our next President, and when someone asks me why I do so, I reply with the following, “He is different”. Now sure this is a cop out (and to many jumping on the trend), there are much deeper reasons, but it doesn’t need to go deeper than that. Politics has always been skin deep, look at the system. Politics is inherently a system where we vote down party lines, we ignore the actual person, and we assume they will just put their parties agenda into practice entirely. It’s a pretty terrible way to do things, and assuming Obama will do the bidding of the Democratic Party once he is elected is just as naive as only supporting Obama because he will be a change of pace.

I hate giving away my money to support the “immobile lifestyles of those who choose not to contribute to society”. I hate the concept of healthcare for everyone. I think these things are not guaranteed, but privilege. As horrible as it sounds, yes, I think living a life free of dying young to pneumonia is a privilege. Until these treatments and cures don’t cost money, they should be for those who are in a position to afford to pay for them. The solution is not having me pay for other peoples standard of living to go up, the solution is having these treatments and cures affordable for everyone to pay for on their own (not subsidized either). That is where we should be trying to take society, that is how we should be trying to help all of humanity. Yet, I support Obama, a Democrat.

I wish we could be left to allowing the non-profits of the world to pick up those less fortunate, I wish it would work that way, but some of us in the world are far too selfish to extend a hand to someone. I have far greater issue with the tax dollars we spend abroad and overseas than what we spend on our own citizens, at least those in our country have the chance that they will become tax paying, productive members of society, it’s more of an investment. I am all for investing in people, all for investing in developing countries, but lets make sure we have a system where we can at least possibly gain financially from that overseas spending of my tax dollars (such an idea, here). I would realistically be more happy with this country if we were entirely practicing either Isolationism or Imperialism, anything with an “I” really.

I believe in people, I believe that our Government actually has 3 branches that all direct and lead our nation. I don’t believe the current President is to blame for all our troubles, just as I don’t believe the next one will magically right this sinking ship. So why do I think we need Obama? Simple, he is open to new ideas, he doesn’t pretend to have everything figured out, he openly states sometimes that his idea currently may not be the final solution to the issue, he is young and passionate. Sometimes experience is not what we need, sometimes we need a leader, doing things for the right reasons.

Michael Bloomberg makes a dollar a year as Mayor of NYC, he is doing it for the right reasons (I personally believe all high ranking politicians should be willing to take no salary for their “service”, but that’s a different rant). Bloomberg has been a Democrat, a Republican and an Independent, Bloomberg supports Obama’s economic plan, at least aspects of it, and I happen of trust the guys judgement on economics. There are certain people out there who are change agents, it’s a trendy term sure, but it’s the best way I can put this. Certain people simply know how to allow for positive change, not to stand in the way or be more important than the change (something I believe Hillary would do constantly), but to guide, to listen, to react and to have interests above their own personal gain. Hillary Clinton has now “invested” 11 million of her own money into her campaign, do you really think she isn’t doing this for the future “benefits”?

I was a huge proponent of John McCain, I think he is one of these people who have the better good above their own personal gain, I was fully behind him a few years ago… and then he went crazy. He started to make statements based on making his party happy, he latched on to ideas just to get their support, he lost a little of his identity. Sure it was probably necessary, but he lost a lot of respect in my book, he pulled a John Kerry. I did not vote for Kerry, so you know who I voted for, it wasn’t very easy. The real thing that killed Kerry in my eyes was seeing how passionate and ready to lead he was in old film footage from Vietnam. He was absolutely inspiring, then somewhere along the line he became a puppet.

Am I contradicting myself a lot? Probably. Didn’t I just talk about how Obama isn’t set on his decisions and is willing to listen? There is a difference between a puppet, a rational, listening leader and an egomaniac. The two extremes are what we keep having to chose between, and frankly I’m tired of it.

Where am I even going with this? Well, here is the thing. Sometimes the best judgement we can make on a person is the first judgement, it’s instincts. Sometimes I meet people for the first time and get this bad feeling about them, every time it has been accurate. Voting for someone because their movement moves us isn’t wrong. Yes we should be careful not to be misled, yes we should educate ourselves with what we are getting excited about (thankfully Obama has a handy little blueprint on the matter), yes it can be a fine line whether we are being ignorant or just believe in a person… these things have been at issue for Politics since the Roman Empire.

An amazing person said something to me about morality recently. I think it really sums up the approach we should take on politics as well…

Amazing Anonymous Person

Morality… it’s all crap because different things are good and bad to different people.

There is no defined right way, there is no solution that will please everyone. The way to lead this country is to understand that, to be able to have all these different, unique persons trust and to lead in good faith. The kind of person that can prove they can do that, shouldn’t need much more than the first impression and it shouldn’t matter what party they associate themselves with.

We are tired of the typical Democrat, we are tired of the typical Republican, we are tired of typical Politics. People don’t simply like Obama because he is different, people need Obama because he is different.

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1) Get out in 60 days (or as quick as humanly possible without the troops being bottlenecked like the Persians) plan. This plan has actually been discussed, and a lot of people think it’s quitting on Iraq, it is. It’s the swallow our pride plan, it’s the realise this issue goes deeper than what we can force plan, it’s the let them fight it out themselves plan. Let’s face it Iraq maybe shouldn’t be 1 country, it has 3 very diverse groups who are all at various times against us and each other. If we left, they can decide where they want to control, how they want to live with their neighbors, and what relations they want to have with them. If they have a desire for one united Iraq, then they will work towards it; If they desire for their own government that can best represent their ethnic group, then they can go that route. We should have learned by now that forcing people to live together under one rule will only lead to one group trying to have control over the others. This whole idea acknowledges that maybe it’s a terrible idea for them to try to govern together. Of course we lose a lot of money, there will certainly be fighting and dying of these different peoples and we lose our foothold in the Middle East. It’s obvious what we gain, but just in case; we stop the loss of American lives, we stop the drain this war has taken on our tax dollars.

2) The “free” gas plan. I used to always joke around and say that “the American public would be okay with this war if we at least got free gas”. It’s terrible to say, and sadly true. Wars used to be fought for resources and gain. Yes there were some fought for chivalry and freedom, but really they still had underlying motives going beyond that. I know we have motives beyond the freedom of these people, I no longer get how those motives benefit us as a country, therefore at least come up with some gains for all these losses. Gasoline and energy costs are one of the biggest issues facing the United States as a country, and individuals living here, alleviating some of that pressure would benefit our economy and growth immensely. Let’s face it, the Government is essentially the biggest corporation, so it’s time they start balancing this whole thing out. Free gas, however, would be violating the people of Iraq, but a discounted gas would be a pretty fair shake. We essentially get oil discounted to cost plus 15%, the Iraq economy still has some positive benefit from this, and isn’t completely stripped of income. We are allowed this deal only to the point that the discounts equal the amount of tax payer dollars being spent on Iraq. This oil is then sold to the US gasoline syndicate at normal rates and the income offsets the tax dollars being spent. Of course the Iraqi government would get a say on this deal after every 6 months, if they feel the cost of income they are losing outweighs the benefits we provide, they let us know and we leave. This gives the whole situation economic balance, motivation for Iraq to stand on it’s own legs, as well as a means for Iraq to say “Thanks for the help, it’s been enough”. This plan should be utilised in any situation in which we are providing extended relief (beyond 9 months) to other countries.

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If you peruse these archives, you will find; early morning drives, Cheetah conservation, vague reminiscing, 11 o’clock news play-by-play, a reminisce vaguely worded, run-on sentences, moments, earlier morning drives (at the end of a roadtrip), and surely a lot of poor grammar.

If you are interested in my more literary type endeavours, this would be your gin.

* I totally made this up, I am quite capable of wiki’ing “blog” and “knowing” it was created earlier, but that would be boring and predictable.

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I’m not so much speaking of one person literally. What I mean by that is that of course there was one of these certain things relating to one specific person that drove me to this point, so yes I am speaking of one person, literally, but also I am not. You see, lately the frequency of these moments is speeding up, and they aren’t always about that one person or any one person at all, I can assure you that, probably. Surely some of this had to do with the self-induced nostalgia (read: torture) of my musical choices the last week or so, so those moments did not surprise me in the least bit, in fact they were welcomed. The surprising moments came in the coincidental actions that came complete with one free, hit you in the face, trip down memory lane.

It is this sort of this lumped up ball of memories and emotions from all things past that has been constructed like some hybrid of a rubber band ball and dust bunny. It can’t be explained, but here I am explaining away. It is refreshing and amazing and all kinds of words that would be used to describe an unexpected welcomeness, really it is.

For those who think I write in cryptic, changes make only the end of refreshing moments. For those that think this is about them, it very well may be; and realise it is no less flattering to find out that it isn’t only about you, it only makes it less creepy. For those that think it’s about 14 February, it is not; for those that think it’s about today, it is.

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I was in a program in Elementary that was called “GATE”, I have no idea what it meant, but it was about as elitist a program as you could find. I was once informed by one of my “GATE” teachers that I was hanging out with the wrong crowd. I had friends in my classes sure, but my real best friends were two boys who were by no means any less intelligent than I, and by all means applied themselves less and caused more trouble. I was told not to hang out with them anymore, me age 10, being told that my friends were not good enough for me. I grew up with those two in my life for many more years, had amazing memories made with them, and still have contact with them to this day.

In High School it was less about the system telling me point blank what I should do, and more about them telling everyone what we shouldn’t do. Over my years I witnessed headwear being banned, girls being told their straps on their tank tops weren’t thick enough, and oh by the way, anything sexy or attractive about the opposite sex will distract us from our tasks (me, personally, I always tried to impress the cute girls with my knowledge and charm). I took up the cause of thousands of other kids who sat in a class where they already knew everything in the text book when I refused to stay in my Calculus class (after being moved out of the Advanced Placement Calculus class at the first half of the semester for having a C).

In college it was me, in Oral Communications, refusing to do outlines for my speeches, because I simply didn’t need them to give speeches that were only graded B’s because of said lack of outline. It was me in Image Manipulation sticking up for the random kid who was getting butchered in review by one sole person for absolutely no reason. It was me in Digital Illustration refusing to use layers; having to correct the teachers lecture errors until I finally left the class. It was me in Drawing & Perspective refusing to shade the boring pieces of fruit; turning in a series of handgun illustrations on velum complete with red spray paint splatter and packaged in a “decon” mailing envelope. It was me in a constant battle with my AD over me; taking classes “out of order”, testing out of classes and dealing with grading injustices. It was me again, in my last stand, fighting against an automatic fail in my Law class (which was due to me missing too many classes, because my Mother was in the hospital).

Growing up today I would be driven insane by some of the control placed over kids and young adults; uniforms at school (though honestly I kind of wish I had to wear slacks and a sweet blazer every day), classrooms split up by gender, arts and music disappearing from the classroom, test scores being the only sign of progress. I mean look at how I shrug off “proper” grammar and “conventional” writing styles alone, I have become a monster. It is all this that has been brought into my mind by reading about the plight of one young man who it seems pretty evident is cast in a similar mold to my own. It’s a story more people should hear and care about. Taking away the freedoms of our youth, to me, is even more of a travesty than taking away the freedoms of a grown adult. We have a voice, we can vote, who will will speak for the youth?

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His first two points are such utter genius I must reproduce them here:

Things you can learn from the music business (as it falls apart)

The first rule is so important, it’s rule 0:

0. The new thing is never as good as the old thing, at least right now.
Soon, the new thing will be better than the old thing will be. But if you wait until then, it’s going to be too late. Feel free to wax nostalgic about the old thing, but don’t fool yourself into believing it’s going to be here forever. It won’t.

1. Past performance is no guarantee of future success.
Every single industry changes and, eventually, fades. Just because you made money doing something a certain way yesterday, there’s no reason to believe you’ll succeed at it tomorrow.

Do yourself a favour and read the rest of the article, especially those of you in the music industry.

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Contrary to the internet this wasn’t something he did to rant about the iPhone, it is off the “Inland Empire” DVD bonus features. So in reality, it’s another person taking something and spinning it to hate on Apple. The man has his point, but true celluloidians feel just as passionate about the difference from projected film to digital home theatre viewing.

Watching a David Lynch movie on a phone is just as equal an experience to me as watching it in a theatre; no matter what you do, you still won’t understand it.

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Well here I am, a few days late, letting you all know my dream of a lovely minimalist blog is now pretty much reality. I stole a ton of code from random people who probably hate me, I got my dreams of minimalism after realising how perfect of a website McSweeney’s is for them, I even added Google AdSense (get excited). I figured a new year is always a good time for a fresh look, though this one will probably stick around for a while.

Enjoy yourselves, whoever it is that actually reads this thing, I thank you for thinking I am worth directing your browser of choice to my little piece of the Internet.

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For me, my platform was unsolicited physical junk mail. It kind of hilarious how everyone wants to go “green” and everyone is concerned with “Inconenient Truths”, well how about this truth; I get exactly 1.3 square miles of paper growing forest worth of junk mail in my mailbox every month (Note: That stat is completely made up). So you see, the real issue of our isn’t energy, taxes, or urban sprawl, it’s the USPS backed selling of our mailbox space.

Let me give you a little factual information here; you cannot opt out of Direct Mail Marketing/Pre-Sorted Mail, you cannot ask your mail carrier to not put it in your mailbox (even if it means your mailbox is full after one day)(Note: I do understand you can do this in Canada), you have to dig between coupons for things you don’t want and offers for even more credit cards to find your real mail.

Well today I discovered the first pillars of support for what will one day be my platform for office:
The Consumer Credit Reporting Companies opt-out website. This website lets you opt out of receiving Credit or Insurance offers which is at least a start. I am not yet sure how well it works, and to go permanent you have to print out, sign and mail in a form (lame, lame and lame), but at least you have a say in some of the mail you receive.

There are also some more options the Direct Marketers Association has made available via their website, however some require you paying, most don’t guarantee anything (just like the no not call list, really doesn’t help much with no way to enforce it) and there is some funny business with who pays for this “Association” to exist (word is the Direct Marketers themselves pay for this service so they can hit you with advertising you deem acceptable). For some, it may prove helpful.

Another great ally against the fight is the Center for Democracy & Technology (I am a huge fan of technology, this democracy thing I am not so sure about though). They dedicate a portion of their website to “Opting-Out”.

I firmly stand by that people should be pushing for a democracy where we don’t have to spend our own time and money trying to make companies respect their potential customers. If you have a good product, I probably know about it and I probably will be purchasing it soon. I do not need a mailbox full of things I won’t even look at. It’s a new world of marketing and there are much more effective and less destructive ways of gaining brand awareness.

Additionally I encourage everyone who is sick of these things to use the postage paid reply envelopes that these companies include to send them either; their own junk, other companies junk or slices of rotting fruit.

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Doug Morris, Universal CEO

“There’s no one in the record industry that’s a technologist,” Morris explains. “That’s a misconception writers make all the time, that the record industry missed this. They didn’t. They just didn’t know what to do. It’s like if you were suddenly asked to operate on your dog to remove his kidney. What would you do?”

“We didn’t know who to hire,” he says, becoming more agitated. “I wouldn’t be able to recognize a good technology person — anyone with a good bullshit story would have gotten past me.”

The sad part about this is of course the affect it takes on our beloved music and artists, and how people like this are appointed CEO’s of huge corporations is beyond me. I stand by my patented “R. P. Jenkins Corporate CEO Fix-all”, where you replace all major executives with the top 5 graduates from Harvard Business School, and many other fine educational systems who look forward, and pay them millions a year less to make you millions a year more (while still paying them more than they would make at any other job).

Note: Ford Motors should also adopt said strategy.

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Maritime – The new album “Heresy and the Hotel Choir” is fabulous in a way that I really needed lately. Got me back into “We The Vehicles” as well, which is such an under-appreciated album.
Roomba – Yes I am that lazy, and yes I simply love it. I am deciding on a name currently, and Roombtacular the Mighty is the current odds-on favourite.
Say Anything – Max is pretty much “everyman”, and that is why his music is so addicting.
Catcher In The Rye – You guys know my obsession, deal with it. It’s an amazing novel. Quick weekend read got me so ready to buy this Fedora I have been eyeing.

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Paris Hilton

“The elephants get drunk all the time. It is becoming really dangerous. We need to stop making alcohol available to them.”

Next up for Miss Hilton is the terrible plight we have allowed to terrorize the Lemmings.

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Sheet of paper that is shrink wrapped to One Hundred and Forty Five Stories in a Small Box

I dont know why it came down to me to tell you about this, but anyway, here goes: if you don’t buy at least ten books a year, you’ll be struck by lightning, or maybe a bus. It’s the new rule. Yeah. You’ll probably be sent a more official notice in the mail pretty soon, but for now, you’re hearing it from me. Ten books a year, or the bus or lightning, each of them very painful and likely deadly. Is the rule a bit harsh? Well, maybe. Some people might think so, but then again, those people won’t be with us very long, because anyone who complains about the rule will be disemboweled by bears. Again, not my idea–I’m just the messenger here!–but that’s the way it is. I don’t know why you’re worried though. Just buy the ten books a year, and don’t whine about it, and you won’t be struck by anything or have your insides ripped out by a grizzly. Doesn’t seem so complicated, really. Also, make sure you buy the right kinds of books, or else someone in a cardigan will push you off a building. Again, nothing to worry about: just buy the best kinds of books, not the bad ones, or else you’ll be looking over your shoulder pretty much forever. And you can’t read that way, anyway, so it all works out.
–DE

David Eggers is one of my all time favourite human beings on this planet, and that ladies and gentlemen, is one small slice of why.

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The original search that directs people to me can be found here.

1) You all know my infatuation with Britons, and apparantley the UK translation of Cosmo (In Queens English, I assume) has some amazing message board topics. Don’t believe me? Here are my favourite pull quotes:

Svetlana

“Bite your lower lip slowly as if your trying to eat up some of the lip gloss off your lip. It drive them nuts!- Just don’t make it so obvious.”

Of course we start with a lip bite discussion, that is why we are here after all. I will add to all the hopeful rosebuds out there that “Svetlana” is benefitting highly from being named “Svetlana” and also from her accent (or maybe I created that in my head when I read “It drive them nuts!), how Russian.
Don’t worry we have more accents for you…

TrAr

“A bit of cheekiness is always good. A big smile with a tongue in cheek “so are you going to buy me a drink then?” always works a treat.”

I just love the Brits, they talk such a treat, but watch out guys girls with accents are…

Weeyin87

“Keep your shoulders straight and look confident, these wee subtle tips make u look more attractive. I fancied a guy for 4 years who was too old for me. I tried these things and he was mine!!! Dumped him the next week right enough but it was cool to finally get him.”

Heartbreakers.

2) Visualisation has always been one of those things that works better in those 80′s/90′s “teen-angst” films, you know where the guy/girl is at home before the moment they are gonna have their shot at the girl/guy who didn’t know they existed until 15 seconds ago? Be The Hot Chick is your key to visualisation, but be careful, your kid brother could walk in with the video camera right when you are practicing making out in the mirror. Oh, the naive:

Be The Hot Chick

“The really embarrassing scenario is when a girl acts too into him with “ooh, baby” eye contact or over-the-top hair-flipping and giggle “signals.” Other times, a girl will swing the other way because she’s secretly shy. So she’ll go for the hard-to-get aloof routine, basically behaving as if she hates the guy. These are amateur maneuvers, not snag-him strategies.”

Let me tell you how embarrassing it is when a girl actually shows interest and gives you signals, it’s an absolute breath of fresh air. Imagine actually letting a guy know you are into him as opposed to the “your friends, telling his friends at the ice skating rink, to tell him the next day, which is by coincidence a day after the last time you ever see him,” but maybe I’m still a little scarred by my experiences. Do not listen to these silly words about acting too into him, unless we’re not that into you, but you should have caught on by then. Am I the only one that read “swing the other way” and thought the mystery of “why girls think making out with other girls to get attention is a good idea” was finally going to be explained? Girls, remember you want to optimise your “snag-him strategy” so you can break up with him in a week.

Be The Hot Chick

“By boy-world definitions, when you’re nervous, no guy can really tell. Guys don’t know what shy looks like. They just remember whether or not you were nice or sweet or whatever. So, just fake it ’til you get past those first few edgy minutes, because you will get a grip. Try this: Gently bite the corner of your lower lip. It smarts enough to help you remember to breathe (which helps you to think, which helps you to relax), but is still quite cute and flirty.”

First of all guys can tell, and we like it when a girl is nervous, blushing is hot. Guys most often remember “whether or not you were whatever” is pretty much the most accurate statement about male and female interaction ever written. I just learned that biting the lip not only makes girls cute and flirty, it also makes them smarter, or whatever.

Be The Hot Chick

“But a better option is to up your confidence. How? Resolve not to think about your body but to think instead about what’s in front of you–a store, a pool, the sun, your BFF, skater boy.”

Confidence is a huge plus, just make sure yr BFF and skater boy are separately right in front of you. Nothing kills the confidence like your BFF getting the skater boy, and that would not be “Being The Hot Chick”, now would it?

Be The Hot Chick

“Then, the obvious trick is to find the boy you think is skilled (read: hot), and ask him if he will help you improve your swing, catch the perfect wave or do a mean header. He’ll be into showing you what he’s about. Betcha.”

That’s the jewel of advise Lisa Mulcahy has for our youth? The same Lisa Mulcahy that started this very article off with…

Be The Hot Chick

“If you want to get noticed without looking like an extra on the The O.C., you’re on the right page. Summer means your playing field is large, and there are more available guys. Your choices increase, so your chances of getting it right increase. And getting a sweet, smart, into-you boy to notice you does not translate to dressing skimpy or faking like you’re into stuff just to impress.”

Yeah, that or, act like your into something he’s into and you need his help at because he’s “hot”. Now I challenge you to , “Be The Hot Chick”.

I hope you all had as much fun as I did with that all, it’s an honour to be found in the same “AOL Search, powered by Google” as those hits.

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Everyone knows I’m a huge fan of Bay, I think he does action the way it should be done. He isn’t artsy enough for most people it seems, but he knows cinema. I really liken him a lot to Quentin; both make films their own way, are very successful in what they do, love making things over the top beyond reality, and are met with sharp criticism about almost every film they make. If he’s good enough for Tarantino, he should be good enough for all you pseudo-artistic types.

Michael Bay

“Quentin Tarantino called me once. Someone had written ‘Is Michael Bay the Devil?’ Quentin said, ‘Don’t worry, last year they called me the Antichrist.’”

I have a point, stick with me. Bay is doing something which I find to be spectacular, premiering Transformers on four screens in Westwood at the LA Film Festival. Now some might think, “yeah you need four screens for all those blockbuster hollywood types,” but you would be wrong. Transformers will be premiering on four screens so we can all have a chance to be a part of the premiere and the after party. Tickets go on sale for the Transformers premiere next weekend, and package tickets for the LA Film Festival (which include the premiere) are already on sale. See you there.

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We are all familiar with the Duke Lacrosse accusations of last year. This week the NCAA granted Duke Lacrosse coach John Danowski’s request for an extra year of eligibility. The request was first reported the week before the Men’s Final Four of Lacrosse by places such as ESPN, and was quickly written off as implausible. The NCAA however found enough just cause that the players deserved their full 4 years of eligibility that was taken from them when Duke University canceled their season 8 games in.

The NCAA stepped up huge, and this almost covers up for Duke treating the accused and the entire team so ridiculously. I hope Duke has done a lot of personal apologizing (read: settlement check writing) in the past few months, because they absolutely need to. I am now anxiously looking forward to another Duke appearance in the Championship game next year, and another season of redemption.

Not all in Lacrosse are thrilled with the decision, Virginia coach Dom Starsia said:

“Everybody in the lacrosse world was embarrassed by what happened. But it almost feels now as if nobody’s really paying for this thing. I would’ve been the first to say that Reade Seligmann and Collin Finnerty probably deserved another year. But I’m not sure that everybody involved here should be painted with the same broad brush and it just seems that’s what the NCAA chose to do.”

It should also be noted that this is the same Virginia who won the National Championship* in 2006, the season “*Duke was a lock to win it all before the rape allegations came out”. Dom doesn’t make a whole lot of sense here, I’m not sure if he knows the entire teams season was canceled and that the entire team was innocent and that the entire team appeared on CrimeStoppers posters or what. I think Dom should stop talking and be happy with his asterisked National Championship.

Also this week one of the former accused, Reade Seligmann, announced he will attend Brown University and play Lacrosse for the Bears. Look out Reade, those girls break hearts.

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Jack Turnbull (Bio)

Jack Turnbull has been called the “Babe Ruth” of lacrosse, and few, if any, could equal his playing ability. Billy Shriver, radio commentator, said in 1947, “Jack Turnbull is what I call the complete athlete. By that I mean when he played a game, he gave it everything he had – spiritually, mentally, physically. Although he was an individual standout, he was always the team player, always playing for the best interests of the sport.”

He was admired and looked up to by his teammates, because he performed unselfishly; rarely fouled; and his leadership, skill, character and accomplishment developed an esprit de corps and respect seldom, if ever, attained by others.

Jack Turnbull enlisted in the Maryland National Guard in March, 1940, became a Second Lieutenant in June and a pilot on December 9, 1940. He was promoted to First Lieutenant, Captain, Major and on May 29, 1944, to Lieutenant Colonel. On October 18, 1944, flying from somewhere in England, he and his squadron carried bombs to drop on industrial Germany. On the return flight, German flack downed the plane in Belgium, and the Sisters of a nearby convent, with the help of older men, made caskets and temporarily buried Jack and his comrades.

The Jack Turnbull Award is an award given yearly to the United States’ top collegiate attackman in lacrosse.

and…

John Fitzgerald Kennedy (Bio)

On August 2, 1943, Kennedy’s boat, the PT-109, was taking part in a nighttime patrol near New Georgia in the Solomon Islands. It was rammed by the Japanese destroyer Amagiri. Kennedy was thrown across the deck, injuring his already-troubled back. Still, Kennedy towed a wounded man three miles (5 km) in the ocean, arriving at an island where his crew was subsequently rescued. Kennedy said that he blacked out for periods of time during the life-threatening ordeal. For these actions, Kennedy received the Navy and Marine Corps Medal.

Kennedy privately admitted to friends that he didn’t feel that he deserved the medals he had received, because the PT-109 incident had been the result of a botched military operation that had cost the lives of two members of his crew. When asked by interviewers how he became a war hero, Kennedy’s grim reply was: “It was involuntary. They sank my boat.”

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These kind of lawsuits must come from that group of archaic minded individuals that still think; it’s a gun manufacturers responsibility when someone gets shot, it’s a girls fault for dressing “provocatively” when she gets raped, it’s McDonalds fault when you spill coffee on your lap. These people should be counter-sued for wasting the systems time.

ESPN (Source)

ST. LOUIS — The father of the late St. Louis Cardinals pitcher Josh Hancock has filed a lawsuit, claiming that a popular restaurant continued to provide drinks to the reliever even though he was clearly intoxicated before the drunk-driving crash that killed him.

The lawsuit brought by Dean Hancock names Mike Shannon’s Restaurant, which is owned by the long-time Cardinals broadcaster. It also names Shannon’s daughter, who’s the restaurant manager.

Police say Hancock was drunk, speeding and using a cell phone when his SUV struck the back of a tow truck in the early hours of April 29.

Also named in the lawsuit are the tow truck company and driver and the driver of the car who was getting help from the tow truck on Interstate 64.

How dare the bar not offer to drive him home, how dare they not give breathalyzer tests, how dare they think an adult should be able to be responsible enough to know their limits and/or call a cab. Shouldn’t any bar in the potential vicinity of a baseball team be closed anytime one of the teams players could potentially walk in the door anyway? Can you believe the gall of that person whose car broke down? A baseball player needed to drive drunk, why were you breaking down in his path? The tow truck driver should have known to look out for drunk drivers, that is their job you know. Why isn’t the Highway Patrol being sued because they failed to enforce the speed limit before he crashed? Why isn’t the person whom he was on the phone with being sued for not stopping him from driving?

I’m sorry for your loss Mr. Hancock, but pretending your Son didn’t have an alcohol problem, nor a penchant for the shady locale is just plain ignorant. You know who should be sued? You, Mr. Hancock. Failing to notice the demons your Son battled when he was alive and could have been helped is tragic, denying them in his death is just shameful.

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On May 27, 2005, Arnold traveled to San Jose, California. To catch those of you up who weren’t dating a girl from San Jose at the time, San Jose has huge transportation issues, most notably traffic and potholes. Arnold arrived to a quaint neighborhood that was full of interesting people that you will soon get to hear from. So Arnold is here, he brought an entire set with him. There are Key Grips, Best Boy Grips and Personal Assistant’s Everywhere. There is lighting (yes, lighting in the middle of the day) to ensure a soft glow off our Action Hero of a Governor.

They cued up The Doobie Brothers “Taking It To The Streets”, and Arnold swaggered towards your television with 10 of San Jose’s finest road workers flanking him. 10 workers in brand new Day-Glo vests (it’s still the middle of the day, still in a small neighborhood) and work gear to back up the Governor. After some speeches people couldn’t understand (by the Governor) and some by people you could understand (San Jose City officials) a truck full of black, smoking, asphalt backed up and unloaded for the Governor to fill the 10 by 15 foot hole.

Now you might be upset that it took 10 road workers to assist in filling a pothole when there are plenty of other road work needs in the city, I might agree if I didn’t understand how important it is for the Governor to look intimidating. The residents however, aren’t as understanding.

Nick Porrovecchio

“They just dug it out,” Nick Porrovecchio, 48, said, shrugging. “There was a crack. But they dug out the whole road this morning.”
“It’s a lot of money spent on a staged event,” said Matt Vujevich, 74, a retiree whose home faced the crew-made trench that straddled nearly the whole street. “We still have the same problems. Everything’s a press conference.”

Now that seems a bit ridiculous doesn’t it? Maybe those 10 road workers were just too good at their jobs, that’s why they had nothing else to do right? They must have taken care of all the cities potholes a day too early, right? Right??

Joe Greco

Joe Greco (no relation to Richard Greco), who used his video camera to record the crews ripping up his street, said Laguna Seca Way had “a few cracks,” which he termed “unsightly,” but they weren’t as bad as the “major potholes” a few blocks away.
“The street was very drivable,” Vujevich said.

So your probably figuring what I figured when I first heard this story, Arnold just got some bad intel, no one told him there were real potholes already needing repair so close by. Surely our Governor wouldn’t waste tax payers monies on purpose when he could have so easily saved a few bucks by fixing real potholes?

Rob Stutzman

Rob Stutzman, the Governor’s communications director, told reporters that “the staging of an event like this is paid for out of the Governor’s California Recovery Team account,” which pays for many of the governor’s political activities, “so there’s no taxpayer expense.”

So what, so he staged it? It needed to be staged, those other streets have terrible afternoon sun. No taxpayer had to pay for it, it’s fine.

David Vossbrink

But David Vossbrink, director of communications for San Jose Mayor Ron Gonzales, who was in Washington, D.C., Thursday lobbying for more federal funding for BART, said the city paid the road crew and the extra security costs associated with the governor’s visit — as it would for any visiting dignitary.

So there’s no taxpayer expense ASIDE from the road crew that was being paid to not fix the real potholes, dig fake potholes and be back up dancers for the Governor’s performance. Well, at the very least a pothole got filled.

David Vossbrink

Vossbrink said, the Governor’s event involved “not exactly filling a pothole, but it represented the pothole aspect”

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And the list of things not taken/left behind; Holy Bible (Must have been religious), Brand New Burton Snowboard Boots, Marie Calendar’s hat (this was not present before the break in, more on this later), Alex Rodriguez Bat (Must be a Dodger fan), Soccer Ball and cones (Hmmm, where to go with this one… what kind of person would leave a soccer ball behind?), $4.28 in change, Flashlight/Jumper Cables/Reflective Triangle from Emergency Kit, Nordstrom Bag, Most things with my address/phone number on them.

My Truck is downstairs at the car wash being detailed. I felt so dirty just being in it on the drive to work that I got here, threw out everything that was in it, and took it straight to them. Hopefully I will feel better about it after it doesn’t feel/look so violated.

I will be hunting persons who work at Marie Calendar’s for the the rest of my life. If you ever see a cook at MC’s rocking a ModAmuse shirt and my Tom Ford’s, call me… I’ll come right over and show him why he should have taken the ARod Special first hand.

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Virb is what Myspace would be if they cared about design and layout. Virb is fresh and small as we speak. I expect it to be popular but niche online community. We’ll see. – MichaelBay.com

If you are my real friend you have already added me on Virb… if you haven’t I’m pissed at you. It’s where all the real social networking happens, you do want to be cool right? Myspace is like wearing Seven Jeans and Ugg Boots.

This is the part where I just offended a lot of girls, I’m sorry… really, but lead instead of following for once.

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Edit: Kyle is a part of the campaign, and has made a lovely little poster. I hear he might even create a theme song mash-up (read: go over to his blog and demand he make a theme song mash-up).

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The really truly amazing part about this whole ordeal to me was the fact that after all the years of profiling against minorities we decided to solve the problem by inversion. It really echoes a lot of the civil rights policies of the past few decades (Yes, I am referring to Title IX and Affirmative Action). It’s really all a microcasm for what I believe this countries biggest issue is; people do not fight for the just cause, they fight for their advantage. It’s a shame people like Jesse Jackson haven’t realised that we all deserve justice and freedom. Continuing to segregate organisations for the cause of ending the damage segregation did, is such a ridiculous concept and will never truly rid this country from the issues of colour bias. Until the NAACP becomes the NAAP we have no hope at equality, though I’ve never been sure if their goal was equality or superiority.

North Carolina Attorney General Roy Cooper dropped all charges against the three lacrosse players…

Roy Cooper

“based on the significant inconsistencies between the evidence and the various accounts given by the accusing witness, we believe these three individuals are innocent of these charges.”

…and discussed the political motivations of the case and the prosecuting DA:

Roy Cooper

“tragic rush to accuse and a failure to verify serious allegations”

“This case shows the enormous consequences of overreaching by a prosecutor”

DA Mike Nifong, who should at any time be barred from working in the law ever again had this nice statement prepared:

Mike Nifong

“To the extent that I made judgments that ultimately proved to be incorrect, I apologize to the three students that were wrongly accused.”

It’s nice he apologised for ruining these three students lives forever, they will always be known to many as rapists (even after being found innocent). I for one, really hope he is actually help accountable for the witch hunt he led.

I am glad that our justice system got this one right, profiling people based on the colour of their skin and their societal status is wrong no matter which side of those genres they fall into. Sometimes the rich, white people are actually innocent.

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No high speed here, the person is obeying the limit, they simply don’t have license plates. The newscasters have assured me, after they told me about how he drove through my neighborhood several times, that it is definitely a DUI suspect, then definitely a 187 suspect, then definitely a hit and run, and now it’s a code four suspect. They finally got him in Whittier, but it should be noted he was driving erratically, lost a wheel and hit a fence.

You might be wondering why the LBPD didn’t manage to get the guy when he was over here. Well it should be known they are very busy blocking off streets so the CBS’ “Criminal Minds” crew can safely blow up the intersection of 4th and Atlantic.

it has now been twenty-seven minutes of a car chase, zero minutes of what is happening in our world. I suppose the fact we would displace the half hour of a daily recap with this is some apocalyptic sign, though I’m not sure what would have been shown would have really been much more enlightening. At least we still got the weather.

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Secondly, this traps us in a boring lifestyle, we do not learn new words, we do not think of new words. Somehow we have decided there is some mysterious language board somewhere voting on what stays and what goes. And somewhere along the way people seem to slip a few in, under our efforts to stop them. The whole language we speak is a microcasm of the society we created and allow to flourish.

Why should we expect something new, when we are taught everything is a retread. So we constantly keep this pattern going, we constantly do the same things, and never try to truly revolutionize our world. Every once in a while someone sneaks something in, but we hardly notice, in fact once we are presented with something new, we insist it must be the same as something we experienced before. After all there is nothing new under the sun… or is there?

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David Eggers, Author/Designer
taken from an interview conducted for “YSKOV(Sacrament)” release.

“You actually asked me the question: “Are you taking any steps to keep shit real?” I want you always to look back on this time as being a time when those words came out of your mouth.

Now, there was a time when such a question – albeit probably without the colloquial spin – would have originated from my own brain. Since I was thirteen, sitting in my orange-carpeted bedroom in ostensibly cutting-edge Lake Forest, Illinois, subscribing to the Village Voice and reading the earliest issues of Spin, I thought I had my ear to the railroad tracks of avant garde America. (Laurie Anderson, for example, had grown up only miles away!) I was always monitoring, with the most sensitive and well-calibrated apparatus, the degree of selloutitude exemplified by any given artist – musical, visual, theatrical, whatever. I was vigilant and merciless and knew it was my job to be so.

I bought R.E.M.’s first EP, Chronic Town, when it came out and thought I had found God. I loved Murmur, Reckoning, but then watched, with greater and greater dismay, as this obscure little band’s audience grew, grew beyond obsessed people like myself, grew to encompass casual fans, people who had heard a song on the radio and picked up Green and listened for the hits. Old people liked them, and stupid people, and my moron neighbor who had sex with truck drivers. I wanted these phony R.E.M.-lovers dead.

But it was the band’s fault, too. They played on Letterman. They switched record labels. Even their album covers seemed progressively more commercial. And when everyone I knew began liking them, I stopped. Had they changed, had their commitment to making art with integrity changed? I didn’t care, because for me, any sort of popularity had an inverse relationship with what you term the keeping ‘real’ of ‘shit.’ When the Smiths became slightly popular they were sellouts. Bob Dylan appeared on MTV and of course was a sellout. Recently, just at dinner tonight, after a huge, sold-out reading by David Sedaris and Sarah Vowell (both sellouts), I was sitting next to an acquaintance, a very smart acquaintance married to the singer-songwriter of a very well-known band. I mentioned that I had seen the Flaming Lips the night before. She rolled her eyes. “Oh I really liked them on 90210,” she sneered, assuming that this would put me and the band in our respective places.

However.

Was she aware that The Flaming Lips had composed an album requiring the simultaneous playing of four separate discs, on four separate CD players? Was she aware that the band had once, for a show at Lincoln Center, handed out to audience members something like 100 portable tape players, with 100 different tapes, and had them all played at the same time, creating a symphonic sort of effect, one which completely devastated everyone in attendance? I went on and on to her about the band’s accomplishments, their experiments. Was she convinced that they were more than their one appearance with Jason Priestly? She was.

Now, at that concert the night before, Wayne Coyne, the lead singer, had himself addressed this issue, and to great effect. After playing much of their new album, the band paused and he spoke to the audience. I will paraphrase what he said:

“Hi. Well, some people get all bitter when some song of theirs gets popular, and they refuse to play it. But we’re not like that. We’re happy that people like this song. So here it goes.”

Then they played the song. (You know the song.) “She Don’t Use Jelly” is the song, and it is a silly song, and it was their most popular song. But to highlight their enthusiasm for playing the song, the band released, from the stage and from the balconies, about 200 balloons. (Some of the balloons, it should be noted, were released by two grown men in bunny suits.) Then while playing the song, Wayne sang with a puppet on his hand, who also sang into the microphone. It was fun. It was good.

But was it a sellout? Probably. By some standards, yes. Can a good band play their hit song? Should we hate them for this? Probably, probably. First 90210, now they go playing the song every stupid night. Everyone knows that 90210 is not cutting edge, and that a cutting edge alternarock band should not appear on such a show. That rule is clearly stated in the obligatory engrained computer-chip sellout manual that we were all given when we hit adolescence.

But this sellout manual serves only the lazy and small. Those who bestow sellouthood upon their former heroes are driven to do so by, first and foremost, the unshakable need to reduce. The average one of us – a taker-in of various and constant media, is absolutely overwhelmed – as he or she should be – with the sheer volume of artistic output in every conceivable medium given to the world every day – it is simply too much to begin to process or comprehend – and so we are forced to try to sort, to reduce. We designate, we label, we diminish, we create hierarchies and categories.

Through largely received wisdom, we rule out Tom Waits’s new album because it’s the same old same old, and we save $15. U2 has lost it, Radiohead is too popular. Country music is bad, Puff Daddy is bad, the last Wallace book was bad because that one reviewer said so. We decide that TV is bad unless it’s the Sopranos. We liked Rick Moody and Jonathan Lethem and Jeffrey Eugenides until they allowed their books to become movies. And on and on. The point is that we do this and to a certain extent we must do this. We must create categories, and to an extent, hierarchies.

But you know what is easiest of all? When we dismiss.

Oh how gloriously comforting, to be able to write someone off. Thus, in the overcrowded pantheon of alternarock bands, at a certain juncture, it became necessary for a certain brand of person to write off The Flaming Lips, despite the fact that everyone knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that their music was superb and groundbreaking and real. We could write them off because they shared a few minutes with Jason Priestley and that terrifying Tori Spelling person. Or we could write them off because too many magazines have talked about them. Or because it looked like the bassist was wearing too much gel in his hair.

One less thing to think about. Now, how to kill off the rest of our heroes, to better make room for new ones?

We liked Guided by Voices until they let Ric Ocasek produce their latest album, and everyone knows Ocasek is a sellout, having written those mushy Cars songs in the late 80s, and then – gasp! – produced Weezer’s album, and of course Weezer’s no good, because that Sweater song was on the radio, right, and dorky teenage girls were singing it and we cannot have that and so Weezer is bad and Ocasek is bad and Guided by Voices are bad, even if Spike Jonze did direct that one Weezer video, and we like Spike Jonze, don’t we?

Oh. No. We don’t. We don’t like him anymore because he’s married to Sofia Coppola, and she is not cool. Not cool. So bad in Godfather 3, such nepotism. So let’s check off Spike Jonze – leaving room in our brains for… who??

It’s exhausting.

The only thing worse than this sort of activity is when people, students and teachers alike, run around college campuses calling each other racists and anti-Semites. It’s born of boredom, lassitude. Too cowardly to address problems of substance where such problems actually are, we claw at those close to us. We point to our neighbor, in the khakis and sweater, and cry foul. It’s ridiculous. We find enemies among our peers because we know them better, and their proximity and familiarity means we don’t have to get off the couch to dismantle them.

And now, I am also a sellout. Here are my sins, many of which you may know about already:

First, I was a sellout because Might magazine took ads.
Then I was a sellout because our pages were color, and not stapled together at the Kinko’s.
Then I was a sellout because I went to work for Esquire.
Now I’m a sellout because my book has sold many copies.
And because I have done many interviews.
And because I have let people take my picture.
And because my goddamn picture has been in just about every fucking magazine and newspaper printed in America.

And now, as far as McSweeney’s is concerned, The Advocate interviewer wants to know if we’re losing also our edge, if the magazine is selling out, hitting the mainstream, if we’re still committed to publishing unknowns, and pieces killed by other magazines.

And the fact is, I don’t give a fuck. When we did the last issue, this was my thought process: I saw a box. So I decided we’d do a box. We were given stories by some of our favorite writers – George Saunders, Rick Moody (who is uncool, uncool!), Haruki Murakami, Lydia Davis, others – and so we published them. Did I wonder if people would think we were selling out, that we were not fulfilling the mission they had assumed we had committed ourselves to?

No. I did not. Nor will I ever. We just don’t care. We care about doing what we want to do creatively. We want to be interested in it. We want it to challenge us. We want it to be difficult. We want to reinvent the stupid thing every time. Would I ever think, before I did something, of how those with sellout monitors would respond to this or that move? I would not. The second I sense a thought like that trickling into my brain, I will put my head under the tires of a bus.

You want to know how big a sellout I am?

A few months ago I wrote an article for Time magazine and was paid $12,000 for it. I am about to write something, 1,000 words, 3 pages or so, for something called Forbes ASAP, and for that I will be paid $6,000 For two years, until five months ago, I was on the payroll of ESPN magazine, as a consultant and sometime contributor. I was paid handsomely for doing very little. Same with my stint at Esquire. One year I spent there, with little to no duties. I wore khakis every day. Another Might editor and I, for almost a year, contributed to Details magazine, under pseudonyms, and were paid $2000 each for what never amounted to more than 10 minutes work – honestly never more than that. People from Hollywood want to make my book into a movie, and I am probably going to let them do so, and they will likely pay me a great deal of money for the privilege.

Do I care about this money? I do. Will I keep this money? Very little of it. Within the year I will have given away almost a million dollars to about 100 charities and individuals, benefiting everything from hospice care to an artist who makes sculptures from Burger King bags. And the rest will be going into publishing books through McSweeney’s. Would I have been able to publish McSweeney’s if I had not worked at Esquire? Probably not. Where is the $6000 from Forbes going? To a guy named Joe Polevy, who wants to write a book about the effects of radiator noise on children in New England.

Now, what if I were keeping all the money? What if I were buying property in St. Kitt’s or blew it all on live-in prostitutes? What if, for example, I was, a few nights ago, sitting at a table in SoHo with a bunch of Hollywood slash celebrity acquaintances, one of whom I went to high school with, and one of whom was Puff Daddy? Would that make me a sellout? Would that mean I was a force of evil?

What if a few nights before that I was at the home of Julian Schnabel, at a party featuring Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro, and at which Schnabel said we should get together to talk about him possibly directing my movie? And what if I said sure, let’s?

Would all that make me a sellout? Would I be uncool? Would it have been more cool to not go to this party, or to not have written that book, or done that interview, or to have refused millions from Hollywood?

The thing is, I really like saying yes. I like new things, projects, plans, getting people together and doing something, trying something, even when it’s corny or stupid. I am not good at saying no. And I do not get along with people who say no. When you die, and it really could be this afternoon, under the same bus wheels I’ll stick my head if need be, you will not be happy about having said no. You will be kicking your ass about all the no’s you’ve said. No to that opportunity, or no to that trip to Nova Scotia or no to that night out, or no to that project or no to that person who wants to be naked with you but you worry about what your friends will say.

No is for wimps. No is for pussies. No is to live small and embittered, cherishing the opportunities you missed because they might have sent the wrong message.

There is a point in one’s life when one cares about selling out and not selling out. One worries whether or not wearing a certain shirt means that they are behind the curve or ahead of it, or that having certain music in one’s collection means that they are impressive, or unimpressive.

Thankfully, for some, this all passes. I am here to tell you that I have, a few years ago, found my way out of that thicket of comparison and relentless suspicion and judgment. And it is a nice feeling. Because, in the end, no one will ever give a shit who has kept shit ‘real’ except the two or three people, sitting in their apartments, bitter and self-devouring, who take it upon themselves to wonder about such things. The keeping real of shit matters to some people, but it does not matter to me. It’s fashion, and I don’t like fashion, because fashion does not matter.

What matters is that you do good work. What matters is that you produce things that are true and will stand. What matters is that the Flaming Lips’s new album is ravishing and I’ve listened to it a thousand times already, sometimes for days on end, and it enriches me and makes me want to save people. What matters is that it will stand forever, long after any narrow-hearted curmudgeons have forgotten their appearance on goddamn 90210. What matters is not the perception, nor the fashion, not who’s up and who’s down, but what someone has done and if they meant it. What matters is that you want to see and make and do, on as grand a scale as you want, regardless of what the tiny voices of tiny people say. Do not be critics, you people, I beg you. I was a critic and I wish I could take it all back because it came from a smelly and ignorant place in me, and spoke with a voice that was all rage and envy. Do not dismiss a book until you have written one, and do not dismiss a movie until you have made one, and do not dismiss a person until you have met them. It is a fuckload of work to be open-minded and generous and understanding and forgiving and accepting, but Christ, that is what matters. What matters is saying yes.

I say yes, and Wayne Coyne says yes, and if that makes us the enemy, then good, good, good. We are evil people because we want to live and do things. We are on the wrong side because we should be home, calculating which move would be the least damaging to our downtown reputations. But I say yes because I am curious. I want to see things. I say yes when my high school friend tells me to come out because he’s hanging with Puffy. A real story, that. I say yes when Hollywood says they’ll give me enough money to publish a hundred different books, or send twenty kids through college. Saying no is so fucking boring.

And if anyone wants to hurt me for that, or dismiss me for that, for saying yes, I say Oh do it, do it you motherfuckers, finally, finally, finally. “

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